Shouninjutsu

I don’t usually blog about this sort of thing. The folks at Grokdotcom (especially Melissa) do a great job of critiquing specific online and customer service “experiences” (disasters), but I just tend to shrug them off and move on.

But recently I’ve had a string of really bad experiences with live chat. Often enough and bad enough that I wanted to comment and point out some common threads I’ve noticed in the poor application of chat technology. Ok, and also just to vent. Here’s a session I had last night on the Apple website, as I was preparing to purchase a MacBook Pro and decided to check out the financing option:

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You are chatting with Alan, an Apple Expert

Hi, my name is Alan. Welcome to Apple!

Alan: Hi, How are you?

You: Hi. I am looking to do this just to finance a MacBook Pro to replace one I need to return to work. How likely is it that I will be approved?

Alan: I don’t really know. The Juniper Visa Card is associated with Barclays Bank.

You: Are there other financing options?

Alan: You can use a Bank Debit card.

You: A debit card is not financing. That’s cash. Do you know if the card is any easier to qualify for because it is sponsored by Apple?

Alan: Just another minute…

[Almost 5 minutes later]

Alan: The Juniper Visa Card with iTunes Rewards is a credit card issued by Juniper, a division of Barclays Bank Delaware.

Alan: There are two ways to apply. From the main page of the Store, apply before you shop by clicking on the ‘Juniper Visa Card with iTunes Rewards’ tile - OR - apply from the ‘Select a Payment Method’ page during the Checkout process.

Alan: I would recommend filling out the application as they are very good at getting back to you as to weather you are approved.

You: Again, my question is: do you know if this is any easier to qualify for because it is sponsored by Apple?

You: And do you know which credit bureau they check for your credit scores? Can you find out for me?

Alan: I can’t find out for you because it is not sponsored by Apple. It is a completely separate company.

Alan: In Chat I do not have access to personal information.

You: Do you know of any companies that do leasing for Apple equipment?

Alan: I really don’t.

You: Can I get a transcript of this conversation?

Alan: Yes, but only by copy and paste on your end.

You: Ok. signing off. I’m disappointed that this chat was totally non-helpful and didn’t even answer my direct questions. Thanks anyway.

Alan: Thank you for visiting the Apple Store. We appreciate your business.

Thank you for contacting the Apple Store. If you require further assistance, please call 1-800-MY-APPLE.

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“We appreciate your BUSINESS?!” I walked away and they (at least for the moment) LOST my business solely because of this crappy experience. If you are not going to support a feature/function (like financing) any better than this, DON’T BOTHER DOING IT.

And by the way, how about that fabulous personalization (How did they know my name is “You?”).

Yes, I realize that “live chat,” like pretty much all CRM application, is not at fault in and of itself– a technology can only be as good as the people using it. But I think chat has the following problems:

High expectations relative to the actual benefits- when we “chat” with an online sales rep, we expect to be able to converse with him or her as we would an actual salesperson in a store. But on the internet, “chat” technology and culture is really oriented towards and has really evolved from idle, abbreviated messaging among friends. more like idle chatter. Build a professional sales tool on that foundation? IMO DATS DUM 4 SHUR

Difficult implementation- I’m not talking about how hard it is to get working technically, I mean that it’s hard to train, monitor and balance the necessary quality of service cost effectively. I know– I ran and consulted for some of the earliest, largest multi-touchpoint (phone, email, chat, automated self-service FAQ) contact centers in the early dotcom days. A typical chat rep will be multi-tasking up to 4 chats at a time, while also doing email customer service. Can YOU have 4-6 conversations at a time? So of course, the obvious solution is to outsource your chat to a call center in India. Yeah, let me know how that goes.

The moral of the story is– how many times do we have to say it?– any tool or technology is only as good as the people and the plan behind it. Chat is just one of those “touches” that once you get over the “gotta have it” impulse, is particularly hard to execute well. And because of its immediacy and real-time “voice” can be more damaging to customer relations than most.

Was it Mark Twain who said it?

“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

“Shouninjutsu”
Ninja Marketing

You’ve heard of “ninjas,” right? The sneaky little assassins always creeping around silently in old Japanese movies. Typically they wait until their opponents least expect it– usually the middle of the night. Then they slip through the tightest defenses, glide to the private bedroom of their most powerful enemies, slide open the shoji paper-screened doors, slink across the tatami floor and slit their throats before the victim has time to even blink.

Or perhaps during the hanami festival they hide in a tree 50 yards from where the target is taking a pleasant stroll enjoying the sakura cherry blossoms, when they take a small disc the size of a coaster from their sleeve and hurl a spinning, razor sharp shuriken chinese throwing star, and in less time than it takes to inhale, the enemy falls dead with the blade buried an inch deep, right between the eyes.

They never even had a chance to see it coming.

Marketing Martial Arts for the Life and Death Struggle to Survive and THRIVE in a Brutal Business World

This is not the watered down “guerrilla marketing” techniques that might have been fresh twenty years ago when people first starting talking about them. These are NOT the principles you will learn in the Harvard or Stanford MBA programs. And guess what– these are not even the “flavor of the month” marketing platitudes you’ll get from the latest flock of so-called “gurus.”

It’s all about strategy and tactics– Your “weapons” and how to use them.

Samurai have their katana, and yari, and yukinoshita do-style armour. Ninja have their shinobi shozoku, nunchaku and shuriken.

In most cases, for individuals and aggressive, growing businesses, a ninja-like approach to decision-making and action-planning is far superior to a more “samurai-style” process. And perhaps the most effective of all ninja weapons is the shuriken.

Shuriken (and shaken) are sometimes called chinese throwing stars or throwing needles/daggers. The shuriken is a (relatively) long range weapon that is inexpensive, light, easily concealed, extremely accurate and fast. The target doesn’t even know what hit him until it’s already too late to react.

Simple, direct, powerful actions with maximum effectiveness.

So why do we call our company Shuriken Systems?

Think about it.